Most of us are familiar with the concept of Internet Dating, that is, finding your future partner using Internet Dating sites. And there are many sites you can choose from. I have several reasons to participate in Internet Dating and I will describe my main experiences.
One reason for me is to experiment with Internet Dating, to find out what is involved and to select a few good sites, professional sites, with good facilities, with many members, and that demonstrate plausible success stories. In general, such sites require a membership for which you pay a fee, which can range from 15 to 25 euro’s a month. Good experience can be built by active participation between a period of 3 to 6 months. I decided to do some research and write this story about my experiences.
Another reason for me is that due to my busy work schedule, I have little time to meet my future partner in a real life scenario. Using internet, you can “meet people” at the time of your convenience. In this way, it can also be viewed as a jump start into a potential relationship – it offers you profiles of people that you may be interested in, of people that are also interested in finding a new partner. This seems a very easy approach for discovering potential partners.
In practice, normal dating and internet dating can be combined, of course.
There is a huge difference in national and international Internet Dating; I will write about both experiences.
A professional dating site basically offers the following facilities:
Advanced search possibilities
Automatic matching of profiles
Uploading of pictures (and video’s)
Activity log of members
New member signaling
Profile information and search are the key facilities of finding your potential partner. They are both related to the type of people you are interested in. Chat and webcam facilities can be supported by another general package, for example Skype, Windows live messenger or yahoo. The related id’s can be exchanged using the email facility of the dating site.
Key attributes of people I am interested in are:
Education and job
With or without children
My search is based on a combination of the selection criteria as indicated above. Some criteria are coupled with the search engine of the dating site. Others, like character for example, require reading the profile of the candidates found. This works all very well for national dating.
International dating is more complicated; it requires a common language and the understanding of another culture. In addition, questions arise as to when and where to meet and where to live, at a later stage, once the initial contact has been firmly made. For some countries, traveling can be very expensive and it is quite common that the other party requires money. Never send money; the other party is probably only interested in money, the more so when they are much younger than you. This is especially true for Russian and Asian dating sites. Finding a common language can be very difficult. The same is true for member authentication. I believe that certain parties, be it individual or organized, are active on international dating sites with the main purpose of getting money. One example for this is when the other party refuses to participate in webcam sessions. Another example is that they may require money to support their dating activities in terms of membership fees and translation services.
Finding a good potential partner can prove difficult. Making key assumptions is useful, that is, assume the other’s profile is true, including recent pictures; respect the other; grow understanding and trust.
Pay attention to your profile and the other’s profile information. Ensure that your potential candidates find your profile relevant and describe what makes you different from so many others.
My experience with the process of Internet Dating – how to find a potential partner - is as follows.
1. Select a good Internet Dating site.
2. Make yourself familiar with the facilities of the dating site.
3. Compose a good member profile.
4. Define selection criteria that your potential partner should meet
5. Search for potential partners
6. Contact potential partners
7. Start initial conversations with a potential partner
8. Organize a meeting with a potential partner
9. Either develop the interaction with your potential partner or contact another potential partner
One idea is to approach the dating by contacting several potential partners at the same time. This will increase the chance of finding a potential partner. At the same time, I feel you should not have conversations with multiple partners. In this way you work with a shortlist of potential partners, starting at the top of the contact list.
Having conversations with multiple candidates at the same time can be viewed as being unfair and unethical; also, it makes the conversations more complicated – it implies you need to maintain a registry of conversations that develop over time. By nature, the danger of mistrust is introduced.
What are some the basic differences between real life dating and Internet Dating ?
Real life dating is based on meeting people, that may or may not be available for partnership;
Real life dating is a natural process based on first real impressions;
Real life dating is more geared towards meetings at your own location;
Internet Dating provides you candidate profile information beforehand;
Internet Dating requires assumed trust to be proved by real life meetings;
Internet Dating is based on textual interaction, at least at the beginning.
I have been partially successful with national Internet Dating. This dating lead to meetings with several candidates and I had a short relationship with a few of them. I believe that national Internet Dating can be successful; I have a few friends that were very successful. I also learned that several internet candidates have a basic handicap that shies them away from real life dating.
I was not really successful with international Internet Dating. In all, the failure was due to a lack of a common language and to mistrust and misunderstandings that were based on cultural differences. Too, the cost involved in real meetings was a problem. I realized two meetings and one of them proved successful. Summarizing, I had contacts with many (about 50) candidates and just a few have become good friends with a sound basis of respect, mutual understanding and trust. I was truly amazed by the large number of international candidates that requested money.
International success number 1
She is a Thai woman that lives in Norway. We met on three occasions. We had good times but we did not find the required chemistry. Some points to her disadvantage were: married twice to a Norwegian in a short period, two children in co-parentship with her ex husband. We have become good friends.
International success number 2
She is a Ukrainian woman and is married to a man from Austria. We became soul mates and she visited me once with her son of 18 years. We shared the cost of the meeting.
International failure number 1
She is an Ukrainian woman from Italy. She flied to me for one weekend and she assumed that I would entertain her and that I would cover all costs. There was no chemistry and we have not become friends.
You can become addicted to Internet Dating as it is real fun to do and to discover other people that may become friends, or, ultimately, your partner.